2 years ago today...

2 years ago today was the worst day of my life so far. I woke up at around 6AM to my parents mumbling downstairs, and then a huge bang and my mum start crying. I remember rushing to the top of the stairs and seeing the dog I had grown up with since both me and him were 8 months old lying there. It was the most awful image I have ever seen. We went about our normal business that morning, and then when the doorbell rang he got up! We all felt a twang of hope, but he couldn't move. My dad had to pick him up and lie him back down. Then I had to go to school. I remember stroking his fur and saying goodbye to him. 2 years on I still remember the look in his eyes and the feel of his fur. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my whole life.
School was hard at first, but as the day went on it got easier. When I first went in I couldn't speak to anyone, and just about managed to tell my best friend what was happening. By lunchtime, I was fine and actually laughing when I told my other best friend. That's how I usually deal with things like that, by laughing/smiling. It's so annoying, because I cant help it, its like an unwanted reaction. However, I didnt actually believe any of it was real. I remember sitting in my last lesson just thinking, this isnt real. I'm going home to 4 dogs, this isnt real.

I walked home, and before I even got in I was in tears. I got to the bottom of my road and thats when it hit me and I just broke down. It was the most awful experience of my life and I hope I never have to do anything like that again.

Ben was a rescue Border collie cross that my parents rescued when we were both 8 months old. He grew up with me until I was 13. He was the most calmest collie in the world, but still loved to work and go for long walks. He had a bad experience with a dog when he was a puppy so was a bit unpredictable around other dogs but absolutely adored everyone. He was always up for a cuddle and just loved everyone. He was tied up in a garden for the first 8 months of his life, said to be too hyper and naughty. Because of this, he wasnt very comfortable around fireworks. He was naughty and hyper, but after lots of training he became our most well-behaved, calmest and sweetest dog.

I still love him and miss him so much. I feel so lucky that I was able to share my childhood with him and grow up with him. He really was such an amazing dog. RIP my darling Ben.